thomsen.: funny

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On August 12, 2010, I had guest blogger Andrew Hall, who also has guest blogged for My Dog Ate My Blog and a writer on online schools for Guide to Online Schools, write a post on The 10 Most Useful iPhone Apps for the Deaf. This post was extremely popular and has gotten the most pageviews on this blog. I decided that it is time for the iPad!

The iPhone has been hugely useful for the deaf and hard-of-hearing community. As a smartphone with an enormous library of applications, a number exist to better facilitate communication and make it possible to place and receive audio and/or video calls, among other things. However, the iPad is on the verge of topping the iPhone in terms of sales (just take a look at this awesome infographic!) ; it still has a way to go, but more and more people from the deaf/hard of hearing are using the iPad to help them with their way of life (mine included!).

Now, here are the latest ten apps to enhance one's iPad experience and life in general.

A random guy dozing off on a BART map.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e-mail address is either:
xena-warrior-princess@companyname.com
or
elvis-the-king@companyname.com .

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

6. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your cheques, write 'for sexual favors.'

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13. Dont use any punctuation

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to eat here".

17. Sing along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall 3."

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Call 000 and ask if 000 is for emergencies.

24. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

25. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "Third time this week!!!"

27. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."

29. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

30. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

I know that I have not done any serious blogging yet, but I promise you that I will soon. Like most of you, I'm playing catch-up with work and friends, but that's still no excuse for me not to write about something! As this blog grows, I hope that I can make it as interactive as much as possible. I can only do so much and that's why I need your help. If you know of something that needs to be said, but don't know how to put it in words, I can help you with that. If you know that someone should be recognize for something they did, I will write about that person. If there's a topic that not being addressed, not will I only address it, but we can do it together. If you need an outlet to express yourself, become a collaborator with me. If this blog is successful and profitable, I will make sure you are well paid for your writing, for your technical assistance, and for your ideas on how we can make this blog interesting, fun and informative.

Congrads on getting the 100th fan and over 200 hits!

A good friend of mine asked me to do this. Some of you know how much I hate doing forward "all about you" questions, but I guess since the time is right, I have no other option.

***********FOODOLOGY***************

1. What is your salad dressing of choice? Just Ranch. Simple, yet good.

2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Does In an Out count?

3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Any kind of sandwiches.

4. What are your pizza toppings of choice? Cheese.

5.What do you like to put on your toast? Raisin and Cinnamon

***********TECHNOLOGY***************

1. How many televisions are in your house? 3

2. What color cell phone do you have? Palm Pre (black)

3. How long would it take you to look up who invented the Rubber Band? 10 seconds.

4. Have any idea how many Megahertz your computer has? 1.7 Ghz

***************BIOLOGY******************

1. Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right handed.

2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Nothing other than wisdom teeth.

3. What is the last heaviest item you lifted? Dumbells at the workout.

4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No

************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************

1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No, but like in Big Fish, I'd agree with how I might go.

2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? None.

3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Fuck ya!

************DUMBOLOGY******************

1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? At least five.

2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops: Never had. I'd like to keep it that way.

3. Last person you talked to? Dunnno

4. Last person you hugged? my brother.

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

1. Season? Summer

2. Holiday? X-mas and NYE!

3. Day of the week? Friday, without a doubt.

4. Month? September

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

1. Missing someone? Yep.

2. Mood? Relaxed

3. What are you listening to? Nothing.

4. Watching? Lopez Tonight!

***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

1. First place you went when you left the house this morning? Not yet.

2. What's the last movie you saw? Sherlock Holmes.

3. Do you smile often? Of course. When I find things funny, I tend to smile.

4. Sleeping Alone Tonight? Is that your business? .

***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************

1. Do you always answer your phone? Yup.

2. Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? My bank.

3. If you could change your eye color what would it be? I love my eye color, ocean blue.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? What is Sonic?

5. Do you own a digital camera? I did, until I lost it.

6. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yes, until I killed it on accident.

7. Favorite Christmas song? Jingle Bells Rocks.

8. What's on your wish list for your birthday: A partnership with Apple.

9. Can you do push ups? Yes

10. Can you do a chin up? Yeah.

11. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? 2010-- Excited

12. Do you have any saved texts? Depends.

13. Ever been in a car wreck? Once.

14. Do you have an accent? Afew time.

15. What is the last song to make you cry? Don't know.

16. Plans tonight? Yes

17. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Sometimes.

8. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: Nothing.

19. Have you ever been given roses? No

20. Current worry? Nothing currently.

21. Current hate right now? Not sure. Monday mornings?

22. Met someone who changed your life? Yep.

23. How will you bring in the New Year? SF parties.

24. What song represents you? With or without you by U2.

25. Name three people who might complete this? Only people who know me the best.

26. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Depends on what happened....I have afew regrets but it would be nice to see how things went in a different way. I wondered sometimes.

27. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Yes. On-and-off

28. Do you have any tattoos/piercings? No.

29. Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now? Who knows? .

30. Does anyone love you? Sure.

31. Ever had someone sing to you? Sure.

32. When did you last cry? Pretty long ago.

33. Do you like to cuddle? Love to cuddle.

34. Have you held hands with anyone today? No.

35. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? Pretty sure it was Stephen Curtis Chapman. .

36. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Of both worlds. .

37. Do you like pulpy orange juice? No pulp. I hate it with a passion.

Enjoy your beautiful Sunday!

So, this is by far a long shot, but I'm looking for some volunteers who will be willing to write on the blog I created called Inherently Funny. If you're interested, shoot me an email about yourself, why you're interested and what your plans are for the next two years and a short example of your writing about an inherently funny moment.

thomsen.

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